


oh but when he smiles (i am loved, i am loved)

by emochill



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Third Year Hinata Shouyou, matsukawa simps for hinata, thats it thats the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:40:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27606401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emochill/pseuds/emochill
Summary: Hinata is leaving for Brazil and enlists Matsukawa's help. This makes him realize some things and remember others, cue the cherry blosssms falling slowly to the ground and Howl's Moving Castle's theme.(or alternately, hinata and matsukawa sitting on a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g!)
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Matsukawa Issei
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	oh but when he smiles (i am loved, i am loved)

**Author's Note:**

> im such a fucking simp for hinata and i used matsukawa's point of view to show my undyng love for this beautiful boy. pspspsps hinata shouyou may i have a kith kith

Matsukawa shoved his hand deep in the pockets of his jeans as Hinata finished double-checking his bags, this gorgeous sunlight boy, ready to leave everything he knew behind to get better at what he loved. 

_ Do something _ , he thought,  _ do something before he leaves because what if he doesn’t come back? _

Matsukawa frowned, Hinata said he’d only be gone for two years. Why was he so worried? 

_ He might not come back.  _

He will. 

_ What if he doesn’t?  _

He will.

“Matsukawa?” 

At the call of his name, his eyes snapped up from where they were studying the ground to meet Hinata’s eyes; they were brown, nothing special, hell, his own eyes were brown too. Why did they fascinate him so much? Why did he want to spend the rest of his life seeing them? He watched as they creased up to accommodate the smile that peeked out. 

“Thanks for bringing me to the airport.” Hinata said, eyes going squinty with that smile that caused butterflies to erupt in his stomach. He hummed absently, still wondering why that-

Oh. 

That was why. 

He was still in love with Hinata.

How could he have forgotten? In the bustle and hustle of life and stress he had somehow forgotten how much Hinata meant to him. 

It hadn’t faded like he thought, he had somehow, brushed it aside to make space for something less important. 

_ That will never happen again _ , he swore to himself.  _ Gods strike me down where I stand if it does. _

But Hinata was leaving for Brazil. 

_ I don’t want it to end like this _ , Matsukawa realized. 

_ So then do something about it, you coward.  _

His hand shot out and grabbed Hinata’s sleeve, pulling the shorter boy towards him with little resistance from the other. His hands rested on the sides of Hinata’s neck as he stared at him, picking out little details on his face, committing them to memory so that he may not forget them. Faints freckles just under his eyes, a bit of moisturizer he had forgotten to rub in by his cheekbone, lips red from constant worried biting, long lashes and a button nose decorated with a silver barbell septum piercing. Oh, this beautiful boy, this talented, determined, stubborn, gorgeous boy. 

Matsukawa loved him, Matsukawa loved him, Matsukawa loved him. 

_ Kiss him _ , his mind whispered.

So he did. 

Matsukawa kissed this sun incarnate, this supernova trapped in a human’s body, this celestial being given human form. In the back of his mind he finally understood what made Icarus fly so close to the sun. If this was how he was burned, then so be it. He finally understood why a fly would so readily try to get closer to the light at the cost of its own safety. Anything to be closer to the light. And his light was this. 

Kissing Hinata was like coming home, it was like a thousand fireworks were going off, it was the quiet rushing of a river and the loud thunder accompanied by lightning. It was everything, it was tongue and teeth and lips; moving together in a dance that only they knew. It was the silent mornings drinking coffee and watching the sunrise and seeing how everything woke up. It was the feeling of holding pinkies and stealing glances to look at each other, it was the bone deep contentment after finally,  _ finally  _ finding what you were looking for. It was like a raging ocean, huge and imposing, it was like a mountain, steady and everlasting. 

Kissing Hinata was two hands gripping his shirt with the intensity of a dying man holding into a lover. It was cradling his face like it was the only thing that he knew how to do. Kissing Hinata was being in love with Hinata. It was laughing at birds walking into glass doors, it was teasing each other about little habits derived from childhood, it was secrets given and secrets treasured. It was the feeling of,  _ ah, so this is what I was missing, this is what completes me.  _ It was  _ right _ and it was something Matsukawa wanted to do for the rest of his life. 

He was but a devoted worshipper giving praise to his god. A freezing fool stumbling after the sun’s warm rays. A blind man gifted sight if only to set his eyes on his lover. He was a fool for forgetting what made him love so. 

But the gods saw him and had mercy on his soul. The gods saw him and reminded him of what he was forgetting. Whispered and told him of how they had made each for the other, how they carved both from the same stone and how they breathed the same starlight into both. 

Matsukawa fell in love again. He fell and this time he welcomed the fall, embraced it, welcomed it back with a smile and knowing with a bone-deep certainty that he would never stop falling and loving this boy he had in his arms. 

_ Welcome back _ , it whispered. 

_ Never leave again _ , it begged. 

They broke apart, resting their foreheads against each other while Hinata smiled at him with the strength of a thousand stars. Gently, the smaller boy traced his lips, still wet from their shared saliva and curved into a smile. Matsukawa nipped his fingertips playfully, then kissed them softly, reveling in the quiet laugh that Hinata let out. He took that smile and carved it into his soul, let it create a home under his chest with the promise of more quiet laughs stolen away in this space between them, burrowed away in the space Matsukawa cleared away for this very reason. 

“I’ll come visit you, okay?” He whispered, not yet wanting to break this atmosphere they created. 

Hinata smiled at Matsukawa like he was something precious, something to be loved and cherished, like he was the answer to all his life’s questions. 

“I’ll wait for you.” He said, like a promise, a swear and an oath. 

_ I love you. _

_ I know, I love you too.  _

_ Wait for me? _

_ I will.  _

**Author's Note:**

> a bit more backstory!  
> matsukawa and hinata had dated previously (they had gotten together at the end of hinata's first year in high school and broke up in the middle of his third year), due to the strain the long distance had taken on their relationship, matsukawa being in tokyo university to appease his mother's demanding nature and hinata having to focus on nationals and getting his affairs in order to move to brazil. so they mutually decided to break up, then hinata calls him and you know the rest :D  
> thank you for reading!


End file.
